Reflections From The Bible And Life

Why Can’t We Just Have Sex?

“Why Can’t We Just Have Sex?” (taken from a line from Natalie Portman’s character in the movie, No Strings Attached, co-starring with Ashton Kutcher, some years ago) This simple question can be answered by the Bible.

We live in a world of culture, where everybody, except the Church, and sometimes except the family, are talking about sex, and they are promoting and pushing it, while the Church is awkwardly silent, and parents and teachers are awkwardly silent as well. We got the culture screaming a value system at us that is the polar opposite of God’s words.

The latest rendition of that is the “50 Shades Of Gray” aka “50 shades of degradation”, and it’s being pumped into culture, and people blindly accept. So what we are going to do is look at God’s Word. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 contains the answers to this question. Paul wrote this letter for Thessalonia which is now modern day Greece, where culture was so different from Christianity, where promiscuity and sins of the flesh were prevalent.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, New International Version (NIV):

Living to Please God

4 As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

Here are the answers to the question based on the scriptures:

1. Because we want to please God – The title indicated in the bible for this section is clear. We live life to please God. Thessalonians 4:1 states, “As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.”

2. Because God’s Word is our final authority. – “For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.” It is a command from God, and not a mere option or suggestion. God’s word is the final authority on sexual boundaries.

3. Because God’s will demands that you should avoid sexual immorality. – “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.” Sex in its proper context of covenential marriage is not to be avoided. It is only sexual immorality that is to be avoided. Avoiding involves turning your back against temptations or situations or scenarios that invite temptations.

4. We are supposed to learn Self-control –  “that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” Self-control is learned. We have to try it to learn it, and practice it to master it. Sometimes, fear is a good teacher. Fear of God teaches us wisdom. The fear of God is a healthy thing.

5. Because we want to know God. – “5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;” We don’t want to be like the pagans. We want to know God.

6. Because sexual immorality always wrongs someone. – “6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.” Even among singles, future spouses are being wronged with immoral sex.

7. We are called to holiness. – “7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” Holiness is internal passion for Jesus, not just mere submission to external rules. Passion fuels holiness. The war is a passion war not a purity war. If you win the passion war, then you automatically win the purity war. If we become passionate about God, purity is easily achieved. But you cannot keep yourself pure constantly if you don’t have a passion for God.

8. Because if we reject God’s sexual moral boundaries, we reject God – “8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

The more sexual partners a person has, the more he gradually loses his ability to emotionally bond with people. It’s like a Post-It note. You can post it and reuse it and by sticking it over and over on several places, but after several times it doesn’t stick anymore. By then it’s just a piece of paper. That’s what happens when people have sexual encounters with different people eventually. Emotionally they lose the ability to bond. It’s wrong.

There are many myths about sex, among these are:

1. Sex leads to marriage – Ladies, pay no attention to empty promises from guys who promise you marriage if you have sex with them. They are merely manipulating you.

2 Sex leads to love. – Love is patient Love is kind, and not about lust nor about one’s self. Lust is impatient and self-serving, and demands it now.

3. Sex leads to intimacy – No. Intimacy leads to sex

4. Safe sex exists outside of marriage – It doesn’t exist. There is no condom to cover your broken heart. There is no condom that will protect your mind from the images that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

5. You need to try before you buy – The question is, what is the final authority in your life? Is it what God’s Word says or is it one of these cultural myths?

6. Everybody’s doing it-  How would you know? Everybody is nuts!

So let us live our lives holy and pleasing to the Lord, rather than pleasing to ourselves alone!

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